Self-effort and Grace

Amma had recently started a new topic of discussion at her beach meditation sessions these last days. Two days ago, Amma had asked a question on "Effort and Grace" starting with a small story. Two candidates were called for an interview. One of them was excellent and answered all the interviewer's questions correctly while the other could only manage a few. However the average candidate was chosen. Amma asked the question 'how do you explain the choice of the interviewer?' One group of answers said it is purely the effort taken by the candidate while another said it was purely Grace. Someone mentioned that attitude was the choice of the interviewer. One came out joking that the astrological charts of the second candidate matched with that of the interviewer. Amma then asked a bramacharin to answer the question. He said that it was becoming more of a management attitude to choose an average individual rather than a clever one so as to retain him longer and train him during as a process to excellence. Amma said that the answer is partly right because of its management perspective but Amma had wanted the reason to justify whether it was effort or whether it was Grace or whether it was both. Amma hinted saying people now either say it is purely self-effort or purely Grace. Infact some people who say it is purely Grace, even go lazy expecting things to happen. As Amma was speaking a coconut fell from a tree-top onto a metal roof just few centimeters away from people sitting close to it. Amma said "look even that is Grace. It could have fallen on someone's head yet it missed and fell onto the roof." Amma pointed that the attitude of saying effort alone or grace alone saves, is like two people walking from either sides of a thin corridor where only one can pass and both persons coming from either directions claim he is supposed to pass first.

At every beach meditation session, many devotees and visitors would give their life-experience based opinions and Amma would hear them all. Later that evening, Amma continued the discussion with a beautiful but short discourse. Amma said, two people were trying to break a rock with a hammer. One gave ten blows and having got exhausted, still could not break it while the other after just giving 2 more blows could break it. It was not just those two blows but the ten that came before that led to the rock being broken. Amma said that the situation is similar in Life. What we experience now is based on the Karmic balance that one carries from the past. Some bring good Karma and hence are recipient to good fruits of actions now. Some people come with a lot of "balance" from their previous lives while some others have taken "loans" and are still repaying them in this life. Amma continued saying we should not be egoistic and that we should continue doing good deeds. Death, Amma said, is like a period. Amma insisted that we need to learn to remain positive based on our experience in the past.

Amma continued saying that we should make our best with self-effort but added that effort should come without ego. She told the story of Karna and Arjuna, the valiant warriors of Mahabharata, who faught on opposite sides. Both Karna and Arjuna, were very good bowsmen but Karna was capably more advanced than Arjuna. During the Mahabharata war, Karna's chariot was driven by King Shalya while Arjuna's charioteer was Lord Krishna. Arjuna, unlike Karna, fought with surrender to the Lord. Karna was very egoistic. At one time both the chariots were against each other and Karna took his aim at Arjuna's throat. Shalya who saw the aim told Karna that it would be better to aim for Arjuna's heart so as not to miss the target but Karna, out of his ego, did not change his aim. When the arrow was let loose, Lord Krishna intervened and used his feet to press the chariot and bury it a bit deeper in the ground. The arrow missed its mark and hit Arjuna's crown. Thus the Lord had saved Arjuna's life. This saving Grace came from Arjuna's humility. Arjuna, even at war, always felt that he was only a brush in the hands of a painter.

Amma said that we need to be humble to receive Grace. Ego keeps us away from Grace. Amma contined with a story of a boy who had come to Amritapuri. During one Darshan day, a baby had vomitted while on the Darshan line. Some people, nauseated by it, covered their noses and quit the line while some others came and told Amma to make arrangements to get it cleaned. Amma said that after some time she observed a boy taking some water and piece of cloth removing the vomit and cleaning the place. When the boy rejoined the Darshan line and came for Darshan, Amma could not but keep giving him extra Prasad and extra hugs. That day, after Darshan when Amma had come back to her room, her mind would remember that boy. His selfless attitude had moved Amma's heart. Such is the nature of Grace.

Amma told another story where a devotee from America had come after struggling for long to save money for the trip. Once she reached Amritapuri, this devotee noted that her neighbor with whom she had a long-standing grudge was sitting beside Amma. While the devotee was on queue, she lost her patience and was completely confused and could not enjoy peace. After a few days, this devotee came to Amma and told her that she was leaving back to America as she could not find herself at peace.

Amma pointed out saying that the devotee could not find peace because of her hatred towards her neighbor. Amma said that one must remain humble to receive Grace.

The evening had already mellowed and Amma concluded the Satsang with a beautiful bhajan "Hari bol".

With Mother Kali, it is Deepavali..

Yesterday was Deepavali, the festival of lights. Amma's Darshan seemed to go on as usual. At home, Deepavali is celebrated as "the awareness of the inner light" and in bliss of the Divine Mother's victory, whose Grace can remove the darkness of ignorance. Amma had come in the morning and finished around 4pm. She came back again at 7:30pm and after Satsang, Bhajans and meditation, Darshans started and went on until late in the morning. For Amma, everyone is unique and everyday is special. Amma consoled many of her crying children and enjoyed the happiness that she shared with her children. Yesterday was special indeed in the mind of many. Through a little chat whilst Darshan was going on, Amma reminded us that the luminous inner light of the Self is ever shining steadily in the chamber of the heart and that the very goal is to seek that Self. The usual tour-cooks, Paul and Lavan and their team, had prepared sweets for Amma and all. They brought some very "sugared" Deepavali sweets and a special less sugared version for Amma. Amma enjoyed both versions of the Prasad and blessed it by having some of both. Very special was that moment. The Prasad was then distributed to one and all by the very same hands that made them. On the door way leading out of the hall, people had sparklers(fireworks) in their hands while many others had lit candles. Amma touched every single person who had stood on the way on either sides as she walked out of the stage after a full night's Darshan. It was around 3:30am here at Mannheim(DE). It is so very beautiful to be in this very presence of Amma.

With Amma's Love from Helsinki

Amma had reached Helsinki late noon on Oct 4, 2009. She had come after all the marathon sessions during Amma's Birthday celebrations that had just taken place at Amritapuri. We assumed Amma would take rest but infact at around 8 pm the same evening we heard Amma calling for her singing children to hear them practice a Finnish bhajan that Amma would sing the next day. Amma lovingly talked with some, who had come from India for their very first time on an European tour.

On the first day of the program, Amma came out at 10am. As usual, Amma leads the guided meditation session with all the kids(of all ages) huddled close to her. After the meditation, Darshan started with most of the time taken by interviews by press and related. Swamiji usually translates the immensely direct yet subtle meanings of Amma's message into English. Amma answers each and every question in a patient way, although some of the questions may seem very much the same ones that Amma would have recieved at every other place, yet Amma delivers her answer freshly.

People flowed in later that day and evening set in. Morning Darshans were soon over. Amma came in the evening. The guests of the day were the mayor of the city of Vantaa who welcomed Amma in his own warm way. The mayor's garlanding of Amma and speech was followed by Mr. Kalra, Minister at the Indian Embassy at Finland. It was a cheerful setting and Amma went on with her sweet Satsang. As the day grew older and evening mellowed, Darshans became slower and loving as the rushing crowd had settled in. Amma suddenly spotted our regular sound systems person sitting in his post and laughing just as an old bhajan started. Amma looked at all of us and said, "what a bhajan! Do you think he understood the meaning and hence he is laughing?". Amma was talking of the bhajan "Kali Maheswariye". Amma asked the sound systems person who had come forward to Amma if he was laughing, knowing the inner meaning or knowing the subtle Vedantic comedy in that song. His bemused "No" came useful to many of us. Amma looked sidewards at one of the bramhacharis and said "Da, do you know the meaning?" Immediately he too said that he did not know the lines. Amma started asking for the bhajan lyrics. Amma started singing paragraph by paragraph and started explaining the beauty of Vedanta in that song.

Amma sang a bit of the Bhajan where the lines go "O Mother Divine! It is heard that Thou Art the root of the universe, yet who doesn't have a head or tail. Mother dear, What a craziness! You turn both truth and untruth upside down!" Amma was ofcourse taking this a notch up with her descriptions. Amma then moved on describing the paragraphs "O Bhairavi! Thou Art are the architect of the Universe! The houses of five elements are made by Thee. Because you could find no place to place your feet, you reside in the graveyard!" Going on she made a much laughable comment on the paragraph that says "Even though one may not have even a penny to take with them at the time of death, Yet you make foolish humans strive to earn crores.". Amma's translations were getting more and more insight-filled yet humorous and the English language could not frame it as nice as it actually sounded. The bramhachari told Amma that he dint read the same fun the way Amma was explaining. Amma mentioned about that need of having such full translations that could yield so much more joy in devotion. It is said that the Guru's word is actually the essence of Shastras itself.

As night grew turned day and Darshans got over early in the morning. The second day, Amma had some visitors from Industry and the Technological University at Helsinki. Amma was as joyful with every single devotee in her own ways. She consoled many who cried on her shoulders as she embraced them warmly engulfing them in a recess of peaceful rest.The grand evening Devi Bhava started late that evening. Amma's beautiful blue-green color touched that eyes of many. As lines filled in, Amma would get eager to see them all. Amma even called the tour-staff that day to take their Darshans. While she blessed all with flowers tears, smiles and plainly bliss engulfed one and all. Amma wanted all as her children and that very look in her eyes could have no equivalents. No words would ever convey that. That ended the Finnish program around 4:30am Finnish local time. Next day was a travel day to Zurich and then the next program would start there with its many sweet stories to tell. It is such a blessing to be in that very presence of Amma.

Sitting on Amma's lap

Saturday night and one of the busiest Darshan days in the week. Amma was talking to many Ashramites asking about the Seva and clarifying their questions. Amma would pay a lot of attention to the person getting the Darshan at the same time. She would even talk of them in midst of all discussion.

A devotee from far away had come and Amma had made him sit at her side. A long meeting ensued. It is plainly beautiful to observe Amma. Every act she would do carries with it the full awareness and alertness. She would be observing the one coming to her, the one coming next, talk to one, answer to another, listen to a conversation nearby, say something in the ear while hugging, observe who hands out the prasad to her besides a lot more and all at the same time and this goes on for hours at a stretch. It is real lesson on alertness just to observe Amma.

Around a few minutes after that, a mother and her little son came for Darshan. Amma noticed the boy even before they reached her and started looking at him dearly. But when the Darshan position came. Amma took the boy in her lap, like she usually does with little ones and with a loud authoritative but loving voice asked him "Why dint you come to my lap yesterday?(Amma was mentioning the day of the Krishna Jayanthi, when many children had the chance during Uriyadi game) ". The little boy said "Amma it was crowded near you" as if he did understand the situation of not troubling Amma. Amma immediately responded "why do you bother about that? Isin't it crowded now? Still you came." The boy said "Amma i dint want to ask." Amma looked at him dearly and with an extra high volume replied "Why do you have to ask someone to sit on my lap? Isint Amma waiting for you?" The little boy just looked all around and then at Amma and smiled in a content yet innocent way. Amma hugged the boy's mother and they both left.

Amma then looked all around and smiled. While sitting next to Amma, one tends to only wonder how to tell Amma all what we want to tell her and not bothering to be concerned about her too. Yet this boy's concern and the way of talking to Amma was so mature to amaze all around Amma that evening. Much more was Amma's enthusiasm when she said "Isin't Amma waiting for you?" Being near her, really tells us how much Amma waits for us. At the very end of Darshan, Amma asks if there are people who came late and did not get Darshan. She makes no exception if one had come early but not early enough to get their queue token which is usually distributed early in the morning. She forgoes food, sleep from her everyday activity and even forgets pain to meet any number of her children much after almost a full day of Darshan. Such is our Mother!

Celebrating Krishna with Amma

Yesterday was Krishna Jayanthi and at Amritapuri it is super special. Amma came out three times just for us to enjoy in her presence.

Around 3:45 last evening, the popular game for children known as Uriyadi was staged near the new Juice stall. Uriyad or striking pots hung on a tall pole with a stick is a game where one or two people control a hanging pot and while another tries to strike it. The pot is moved up n down and swung in order to make it difficult to be hit besides the major distraction being water splashed onto the face of the competitor who strives to win by breaking the pot.

Amma was seated few meters away from the pole and in the very center, surrounded by tiny tots who were mostly dressed as little Krishnas and Radhas. Some'bigger' Krishnas and Radhas occupied the position near Her too and the fun continued. Amma rejoiced every single moment whenever a pot was broken. Amma always says she wants her children to be happy and enjoying every moment. Uriyadi has an analogy in everday life. The player is the one struggling in worldy existence hit by the waters of sensory illusion and the goal being the breaking of the bonds that hold him to release the infinite bliss restrained by the pot of the egositic mind, the only tool being the stick of Divine Grace.

Amma picked up many of the tiny tots as their mothers brough them closer to her and Amma would have them in her lap. Sometimes they were two, sometimes one and sometimes more. The little ones would sit on Amma's lap and enjoy the day. After some time, Amma started singing a melodius "Bolo Bolo Gokula bala" bhajan resounding the victory of broken Uriyadi pots with her own "Bolo bolo" and what a scene of victory.

After a few minutes, Amma soon came back to the bhajans later that evening. After bhajans, Amma left back to her work.

Crowds seemed to flow in as night set in. The main celebrations were around mindnight. A colorful delightful stage was set the mood of oncoming festivities. Amma strode along led by "panchavadyam", the traditional Kerala welcome music. Amma had a small flute in her hands which swung gracefully as she walked by the platform onto the stage.

A peedham in midst of many lighted lamps, sweet smelling incense, flower garlands, a beautiful puja with baby krishna, the senior Swamis flanking on either sides, many bramhacharis on all sides and musicians with their multitudes of instruments transformed the atmosphere. Amma charged the whole environment with the beauty of simplicity and her smile. Even before singing, Amma looked at all her sides spending time to note every single occupant on the stage, below the stage, on the sides of the stage. As the midnight hour slipped by Amma started with the bhajan "Agatanayi Agatanayi Vishnu Devan." Several beautiful songs peppered the whole evening with the memories which only Gopis of Vrindavan would have shared with their Lord Krishna. Amma's body seemed to dance subtly with the melody of the bhajans.

Amma stopped after a couple of bhajans and requested everyone to stand-up. She asked us all to forget everything else and to remember the presence of the Lord and to dance in that very Bliss. Amma moved her hands gently in a posture of blissful dancing motivating the same gesture in all near her. Amma made the whole stage dance in that joy. Eyes with tears of joy seemed to swing in graceful gesture as the bhajan caught its momentum and whenver it slowed, Amma would raise the tempo again.

After those bliss-filled moments, then Amma told us all that "today is celebrated as Lord Krishna's birthday. The real birth of the Lord should happen in our heart."

Amma moved to the ledge of the stage. She had wanted to distribute payasam to all, one by one. To start, two huge cauldrons of palpayasam (milk pudding) were brought. Volunteers helped Amma by filling up glasses of payasam which Amma distributed to all. She had a twinkle in her eye as she handed out each glass of payasam to all present. She would rarely talk as the number of people were large but the eyes and her smile talked a lot. She is truly our Queen of smiles. After making sure to distribute to all, Amma left the stage. A glimpse of our very own Vrindavan. What a day! How beautiful are the ways of the Lord.

The Special Prasad

It was five in the afternoon and the bell rang. At Amritapuri, the ringing bell apart archana and class, usually announces the arrival of Amma for a Satsang or Darshan session. Amma came to the beach and sat in her usual meditative silence as she does in the start of every meditation session. Amma sat below a young coconut tree, in her peedham(seat) and around her sat the rest of the Ashram. Amma's eyes remained shut and the angle of the face looking up in the direction of the setting sun on the Arabian sea. A perfect look of silent bliss fills one who observes the scene. All around, happily following Mother's example, shut their eyes and delved deeper into their self.

After almost an hour, Amma opened her eyes and the scene changed. Amma was looking at all around her. Two little children rushed near Amma and Amma made them sit on her seat by her left and right sides. Both children were beaming at the crowds. Like a new mother, Amma kept looking at them and kissed their tiny heads. The children responded to her by hugging closer. The only common sound seemed was that of the waves crashing against the stones on the beach.

Amma picked up the microphone and asked a question on what one had to practice to have constant awareness in thought, word and deed. Amma insisted that the answer should come from her children who have been practising meditation and from those staying in the Ashram trying to do the same. The answers came, some beautiful and thought-provoking. Amma later added how important the awareness is, in one's sadhana(or spiritual life).

The sun-lit sky started changing. It was as if the clouds wanted to hear Amma. They moved closer, more like people rushing to sit near Amma's peedham in the Ashram stage. Amma sat unmoved and listening to her children and as an eager Mother enjoying to be in their presence. Some drops fell on us all. Amma remained still. An umbrella was raised over her head, Amma's swift hands moved it away. She wanted to feel the Nature's touch. Some people got up slowly covering themselves as a protection from the rain. The rain drops became a flow and soon.. a drizzle started.

Amma patiently covered a child near her with some sheets to protect him from the rain water, all the while enjoying the pitter patter on herself. Many eyes forgot the fact it was raining and sat unmoved observing her. Amma's compassionate eyes had noticed their attachment to her Love. Translation of Amma's Satsang was going on. Amma looked at all and then with the beaming smile made a gesture of continous flying kisses, Amma used both her hands and showered kisses on all.

To be there in that moment was so touching. Amma enjoyed happily as the rain became heavier. Every Tuesday, Amma distributes prasad. This time, we had our extra prasad on Monday in the form of a Nature's shower. According to Sanatana Dharma, the prasad has the deity's(or the Perfect Master's) blessing residing within it. Like a temple priest distributing holy water, the clouds showered us all in Mother's beautiful presence. The word prasad literally stands in Sanskrit to mean "Grace". O! What a Grace it was.

Amma soon asked us all to start towards the hall as it was bhajan time. We all rushed and Amma started a touching medley of Bhajans including the famous "Nirvana Shatkam". Pure Bliss!

Namah Shivaya

The Toddler's cry

Today was a busy Darshan day, a new episode in the Amritapuri series of Infinite Love. Amma came at Her usual morning routine and the evening ended almost around 11 pm.The evening was superb. As evening set in around 5pm, Amma was still super fresh and was smiling, talking and hearing the countless problems of her many children who had queued up to meet her.

Sometime later as Amma was busily giving Darshan, there was a distinct cry of a toddler. There were two western devotees and the cry was from a little baby in their arms. As they reached the final row before they file in for Darshan, the toddler saw Amma and started crying. To the surprise of many of us, his cry spelled "Amma", which given his western background was a truly unique reference to Amma. The little boy seemed not older than a year or so. His legs could not even stay stiff yet his cry seemed truly unique.

Swamis were singing a mind-blowing session of melodious bhajans and not many paid attention to the toddler until Amma herself turned to look for the little one who was 20 feet away. More than 20 devotees sitting around Amma had to give way as Amma had gestured the little toddler be brought forward. The happy mother and father rushed slowly cutting their way through that small crowd of people to reach Amma's right side. Amma took the little toddler in her arms, caressed him and lo! he had already stopped his wailing. All he had wanted was Amma's attention and now he was right on her arms. Amma gave him a toffee prasad and handed back the baby to the people assisting the Darshan. Due to a small confusion instead of going back to the parents, the little one was being taken elsewhere. After a couple of seconds, with much shouting he was handed back to his parents. All this while, he neither cried nor made any sound but wore a bemused look of appeasement. The proud young parents showed through their smile lit faces that they were happy that their little baby had the chance to be with Amma.

What a Mother! The child's yearning cry was answered in midst of all the noise and activity. Even the little one's cry could not escape her benevolent eyes. To many of us here, Amma is just more than a Mother. Amma is, as the name suggests "Om bhakta lokaakhila bhIShTa pUraNa prINananecchave namaH" - one who is keen to please the world of devotees by fulfilling all their desires.